Times up Mr Brolly

First up, let me declare my interests. I’m from Mayo and I’m a Mayo GAA fan. I’m used to mockery. I’m a mockery connoisseur. I know when it cuts to the bone. I know when its quality stuff. I can also identify the knock-off mockery, the kid’s stuff. Which brings us to Mr Joseph Brolly, Esq.

I pay my license fee. I pay Joe Brolly to do his job as a football analyst. I understand that Joe has another life as a legal type. I understand he’s good at it. Which is nice. The glaring fact is that Joe is a poor analyst. He’s lazy and he analyses by cliché. He coasted for a few years on being a member of the ‘one in a row’ Derry team. That was in the last millennium. His day job obviously keeps him busy, as he doesn’t seem to know anything about football that has happened in this century. This is understandable. His main mentor is P.Spillane. Patrick played in a time when there was only one good team in the country. All other teams were populated with fat men who warmed up in their car and Pat could joyfully hand pass balls into the net.

A real analyst considers his science. There are plenty of good examples out there. Martin Carney considers his game. Darragh Ó Sé won plenty and knows the game – the game today.

Amateur players deserve professional critiques.

To be fair to Joe, he seems to be focusing on the role of clown over the past year or so, not serious analyst. Spillane has populated the chief clown seat for a long time now. This is following the RTE model of 1 clown per 3. It works in other sports. Hook, Dunphy, Spillane. Keeps the laughs and the howls of rage coming in.
The problem with Pat is the glaringly obvious effort he puts in to his chuckle factory. Churchill said his best off the cuff remarks took days of work. All Spillane’s ‘wit’ stinks of sweat. Wonderful remarks about ‘Shi’ite’ football come to mind. Well done Pat.

Joe has seen his gap in the clown market and has moved in. He sees more opportunities to blow kisses to the crowd. Problem is, he’s just about as funny as Spillane. So, Mortimer is the ‘White Balotelli’? What does that actually mean? Is it funny somewhere? Who is his test audience? The kids, as he holds back their dinner? As a Mayo man, there are so many ways I know to throw abuse at the Con meister. Funny abuse. The ‘White Balotelli’? Weak Joe. It may have taken a lot of work to come up with that. And that’s the problem. You try so very hard to make a splash, to get that laugh. It ain’t working. Get your coat mate, you haven’t scored.

RTE needs to tackle this. TG4 and TV3 are breathing down their neck. I accept that we need a clown, but please make him a funny clown. To have one unfunny clown is unfortunate, to have two, well, RTE Sports Department, that is unforgivable. We don’t want the Sunday Game to turn into an X-Factor judging panel, attempting to earn their pay by dishing out ill-informed and poorly constructed analysis of amateur players. Does Brolly see himself as Gary Barlow maybe? Not good-looking enough. Cowell or Cheryl? No, Joe, you’re the poor man’s Louis Walsh. And from a Mayo man, that is the ultimate insult.

I put it to you Joseph Brolly Esq., you are now free to go. We have served your sentence.

Your time is up.

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